Sunday, October 26, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Sometimes, Like Water, Probably
Me: The date is happening in 20 minutes.
Me: So nervous hahaha
Me: Ahhhhhhh
Me: Two hours sleep. I'm so out of it.
1: Why only two hours?
1: Well at least you know he's hot haha
Me: I went out after work last night.
Me: I hope I remember what he looks like.
1: Hahaha if not he will
Me: Thank god
Me: I have no idea how old he is
Me: Like, why did I do this to myself?
1: Cause you're ballsy and its a free meal
Me: A drink
Me: And I'm sort of not comfortable letting him pay
Me: It's just an hour.
Me: We are two people meeting to talk.
Me: Brotherhood.
2: Nice. [Union Jack Flag Emoji]
Me: Yessssss I need to [Union Jack Flag Emoji]
Me: Gotta turn that on.
2: Maybe you will get pressured into a quickie
2: Jk
Me: Ohmygod. What if he's the worst?
2: That other guy was hot
Me: Hahahahaha
Me: He keeps texting me. But like about nothing.
Me: I'm dreading that.
2: aww. He's crushing
Me: He is. And it's perfect...except.
Me: Ugh.
Me: Brotherhood
Me: Ok
Me: Imma start heading there.
Me: Oh god my stomach.
Me: Oh god.
2: TBL for stomach
Me: Ohmygod
Me: I totally needed to hear that.
Me: TBL yes
Me: He just said he'd be there "ASAP"
Me: #eager
Me: I need my NYC strut
Me: Prance queen!
Me: The plan is go for a handshake.
Me: I'm here first. These stools are so close together.
Me: #intimate
1: Hahaha just lick his neck as a hello
1: Mark the dominate spot in the date
1: Take awkward pic for us! K.Thanks.Bye.
Me: Literally sitting on two stools to save a seat.
Me: I hope we go to a table.
1: Spread those cheeks!
2: Lol
2: I would also go for the neck lick
1: Hahahaha #necklickitis
Me: My neck. My back.
Me: I'm having a friggin heart attack.
1: My netflixs and my snacks
Me: I should not be drinking.
1: Or you should be pounding shots!
Me: I would be dead at two.
Me: I'm shaking I'm so fatigued.
2: Spermicidal foam
Me: Oh yeah. And those coffees.
Me: Icedcoffee
2: No spaces
2: [1] let's go for a home
2: Hike
Me: Awwww
Me: A gay hike
1: Hahaha okay
Me: This drink is a work of art
Me: Damn NYC!
Me: [Picture of "a sort of take on a" dark 'n' stormy]
1: 25 dollars?!
Me: 13
Me: There are noisy gays at the end of the bar.
Me: If my heart beats any faster I think it'll stop.
2: [Diamond Emojis]
Me: How do I know if I'm having a stroke?
1: Ask the noisy gays to please escort themselves to a more appropriate gay atmosphere
Me: Maybe this is a gay atmosphere.
Me: Idk
Me: I just dk
Me: I mean, it is now.
1: Hahahahaha
1: So many gays
Me: #posturecheck
Me: #decent
Me: I have decided not to hold the extra stool. #TBL
Me: Suddenly realizing that the alcohol is helping.
Me: More sips.
Me: I'm TBL to keep looking at the door.
Me: Realizing that I have a look of terror on my face.
Me: #nivea
Me: He's on his way from his office now.
Me: Rethinking the handshake.
Me: Getting sloppy
1: Hahahaha
1: Handshake
Me: Hahahahaaaaaaa
Me: Good call.
1: From the office?!?
1: Keeper!!
Me: Hahahahaha
Me: Still don't know what the office is for.
Me: Could be anything.
1: Sex?
Me: I'll ask.
1: I feel a part of this date
Me: I wish you both were.
2: Samesies! Nivea!
Me: I wish you guys could be the noisy gays.
Me: I want to feel close to youuuu
Me: I'm so out of it.
1: Just shake it off
Me: Ohmygod
Me: He's not ready for my humor
1: You already know he thinks your hot lol
Me: That's all I know about his thoughts.
Me: Not. Impressed.
1: All that's needed for a first date
Me: Just yawned.
1: Sexy
Me: Now I'm laughing to myself.
Me: Normal.
Me: I bet he lives upstairs from this bar.
Me: In the same building.
1: Hahahahaha
Me: If that food runner walks by one more time I'm going to faint.
Me: He def lives and works in this neighborhood.
1: Is he hot?
Me: I'm pretty sure I'm ready to publish this text thread.
Me: I remember thinking so!
Me: My brain can't remember faces too well.
Me: My internal clock is going off. He's close.
Me: He must be.
1: I would like to be published anonymously
Me: Things I hope I don't have to say "watch my bag?"
Me: All anonymous.
Me: On my blog.
2: Suck my nips
1: I'll need a ghost writer for future texts
Me: I don't want to have to say that.
Me: Hahahaha
Me: [5] can ghost text
Me: Ohmygod that runner
Me: Killing me
1: Ask him to please reroute his life
Me: Hahaha
Me: Ya
Me: He's totally going to apologize.
1: Kindly with resting bitch face
Me: What will I say to that?
Me: Oh it's FINE!
1: It's cool I'll add to drinks to your tab
Me: Hahaha
1: Two
1: ;)
Me: I can't drink more than this.
Me: My life.
Me: Just so you know, you can bet that I haven't been on a date in the past 8 months.
1: #necessarylifechoices
Me: Otherwise you would have heard about it.
Me: Obvi
Me: I swear to god that runner.
1: I went on one Friday
Me: Ooooooooo
1: Trip him with the man bag
Me: Backpack
1: #strapsforeays
Me: I'm 14
Me: I'm not [2's cousin].
1: Aca-awkward
Me: Hahahahahaha
Me: Ohmygod. He's going to be so sorry.
1: Oh high school
Me: I wonder if he's a flustered gay.
1: 19 mins late?
Me: The original time was 4:30.
1: Roughhhhhhhh
Me: We changed that earlier.
Me: Maybe he doesn't work around here.
Me: What if he took a taxi here?
1: He better be looking fly
1: Town car hopefully!
Me: I'm wearing my favorite polo
Me: I hope he's not dressed up
1: He will be
Me: #office
1: Casual suit
1: Had a meeting that went over
Me: Should I be talking to the bartender when he gets here?
1: Totally the excuse
Me: Like, laughing. Telling a joke.
Me: WWTDD
1: Noooooo
Me: What would Tom Daley do?
Me: Damn. Forgot my speedo.
1: Take his shirt off and start a new calendar shoot
Me: [Picture of his text saying "I'm SOOOO sorry. Traffic is horrible"]
Me: That's a lot of Os
1: Yes
Me: But like...taxi.
1: Milk the lateness
Me: Hahaha
Me: YOU OWE ME
1: Yes honey
Me: THIS IS MY LYPHE
Me: TBL
1: What does he look like?
Me: We went over this.
Me: God. Remember when I was saving him a seat?
Me: Ages ago.
1: We did? Hahaha
Me: I can't remember.
Me: His face.
1: Ohhhh yeah
1: What if he's there
Me: He's not. We're texting. Idk ugh
Me: All I said was
Me: It's okay!
1: It's New York everyone is always late
Me: I'm not.
Me: My phone is totes going to die.
Me: What if I need to show him pictures?
2: Quick. Put up a grindr headline asking someone to drop off a charger
Me: Ohmygod. I have no idea how tall he is.
Me: I have my charger.
2: (In exchange for casual sex)
2: Oh
Me: Hahahaha
2: Nevermind.
1: Hahahahaha
1: Dying
1: Hopefully he is there by now and you haven't stroked out on the table!
---TIME---
Me: Guys. I need to charge my phone.
Me: Ohmygod
Me: Power strut out of the bar
Me: Didn't look back
1: Hahahahah
Me: Literally cannot wait to tell you everything.
1: Pumped!!!
Me: I may have to type it on Facebook.
Me: Ohmygod.
1: Hahahaha
Me: These NYU students I'm passing on the street have excellent struts
Me: Froshes
Me: I'm getting my BA in Prance!
1: Hahahahaha
Me: Spoiler:
Me: Sugar daddy
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